Tumor?!?

Well Robert brought home my MRI disk and the paper with the radiologists diagnosis. "findings: note is made of a lesion which follows fat signal intensity within the left aspect of the quadrigeminal plate cistern. This most likely represents a lipoma." looks like I have a brain tumor. This arises a lot of questions for me. My MRI in June clearly showed a lesion where did it go? Was this tumor their then? Why am I having the dizzy spells, fatigue, vision problems and feet issues then? Everything I've read has said this lipoma would most likely not cause any symptoms. So where are my symptoms coming from? Could it actually just be a lesion from ms or do I not have ms and rather have a brain tumor and then still no reason as to why I have the symptoms I have. I'm so frustrated right now and why has my dr not called me?!? I called this morning and left a message for him. Hoping he calls back and can shed some light on the issue. Since I have the tumor I doubt that I have ms let alone ms and a tumor but why my symptoms and what's causing all this. If they say it could be caused by the tumor then it'll prolly need to be surgically removed because let me say I can't keep living like this. So brain surgery on my brain! They'd have to shave part of my head! My beautiful hair! I know I should just pray it can be fixed and cut out but I'm so confused. You know when you cry for so long and so hard that headache you get. Well ya I got that headache and I didnt even cry! I hardly slept last night. All I can think about is this piece of paper that is changing my life! Is it so hard to want to be normal. I'll even settle for anything that has a diagnosis in the end with some sort of treatment to help my symptoms. I can't keep going on like this. I just cant! I'm so sick of being dizzy and sick of feeling like I'm wearing socks to small. Maybe I'm losing my mind. Maybe all my symptoms are in my head! I am just so beyond confused and alone. I just want it all to be over ya know. Well that's my update. Hoping my dr calls me back and then I'll prolly post something again. Hopefully I'll have more answers.

Nervous!

So after weeks of waiting I finally decided I don't wanna wait till mid February for my results. I called the place I had my MRI and they have everything ready for me to pick up. Robert can even pick them up tomorrow with a note from me and my drivers license! I'm incredibly nervous. I'll have a disk of my MRI and the techs notes which will say if theirs any "demylation" which is basically a lesion. I figure if I at least know what the results are I will be better prepares for questions with my neurologist. If the MRI shows nothing well then who knows what then. I'm scared. I'm prepared (I think) for the diagnosis of multiple sclerosis. I fit a lot of the symptoms. I have no clue what to do if they say it's not ms then what? What's wrong with me! I'm sure the next 24 hours I will be on edge and nervous as heck. These results can change my life! Wow! Just wish I had brought up the courage to get the results myself weeks ago! I guess I needed time. Time to be ready to face whatever it is I have to face. On another note I've been really working at loosing weight and exercising and I'm proud to say in 2 weeks I've lost 8.8lbs. Def not an easy task but it needs to be done. Thats my update for now. I will prolly be posting again tomorrow after I have had a chance to read my reports. Wish me luck (for any kind of answers).

Just having a day

I go back to my nuerologist next month and honestly wish it where so much sooner. The meds I'm on help a little with the pain in my feet and the feeling but doesn't touch anything on the fact that I feel like I'm wearing socks 10 times to tight! I'm so over it that I've begged Robert to cut them off. It has to hurt less than it does now. I hate it. I'm so over it too. People say then call your doctor and see if he can see you sooner and maybe get the results sooner. But it feels off to me. He told me when to come back so that's what I should do right. If he wanted to see me sooner he would have called and told me so. What good is me telling him the same thing he already knows? I'm trying to loose weight and I do good for all of a week then I flake on the idea and most of that is because I see the treadmill and all I think is pain! It hurts so much all I can do is walk and sure walking is better than nothing but even walking hurts and honestly I'd rather sit here and not be in pain than trying to lose some weight. Call me weird but have you ever wore pants that where way to small and it hurt well that's how my feet feel all the time! Walking down stairs in the morning is the worst! Every step hurts and all I wanna do is cry! I'm so beyond frustrated right now. It's been 11mths since I started trying to find out what's wrong with me and I just wanna quit. I just want it to be gone! What if I go back next month and he says your MRI looks clean, we dont know what's wrong then what?!? Then I am in pain still with no diagnosis. No idea what's going on with me. And that scares me. I think that's why I haven't called and seen about moving my apt up. I don't wanna hear what they say. Right now I feel like an alcoholic who hasn't started getting sober, they no somethings wrong but aren't doing anything to fix it. I know somethings wrong but have yet to start things to fix the problem. Part of that's because I don't even really know the cause. I just know they have said 90% chance it's ms. Iono. I guess I'm having a pitty party for myself today but I just wanna give up. I'm getting to that point where I don't care what's wrong with me. It is what it is. Well I feel better after a good vent so I'm gonna go fix lunch and then watch tv with George some more, just not feeling up to doing anything today.