Just having a day

I go back to my nuerologist next month and honestly wish it where so much sooner. The meds I'm on help a little with the pain in my feet and the feeling but doesn't touch anything on the fact that I feel like I'm wearing socks 10 times to tight! I'm so over it that I've begged Robert to cut them off. It has to hurt less than it does now. I hate it. I'm so over it too. People say then call your doctor and see if he can see you sooner and maybe get the results sooner. But it feels off to me. He told me when to come back so that's what I should do right. If he wanted to see me sooner he would have called and told me so. What good is me telling him the same thing he already knows? I'm trying to loose weight and I do good for all of a week then I flake on the idea and most of that is because I see the treadmill and all I think is pain! It hurts so much all I can do is walk and sure walking is better than nothing but even walking hurts and honestly I'd rather sit here and not be in pain than trying to lose some weight. Call me weird but have you ever wore pants that where way to small and it hurt well that's how my feet feel all the time! Walking down stairs in the morning is the worst! Every step hurts and all I wanna do is cry! I'm so beyond frustrated right now. It's been 11mths since I started trying to find out what's wrong with me and I just wanna quit. I just want it to be gone! What if I go back next month and he says your MRI looks clean, we dont know what's wrong then what?!? Then I am in pain still with no diagnosis. No idea what's going on with me. And that scares me. I think that's why I haven't called and seen about moving my apt up. I don't wanna hear what they say. Right now I feel like an alcoholic who hasn't started getting sober, they no somethings wrong but aren't doing anything to fix it. I know somethings wrong but have yet to start things to fix the problem. Part of that's because I don't even really know the cause. I just know they have said 90% chance it's ms. Iono. I guess I'm having a pitty party for myself today but I just wanna give up. I'm getting to that point where I don't care what's wrong with me. It is what it is. Well I feel better after a good vent so I'm gonna go fix lunch and then watch tv with George some more, just not feeling up to doing anything today.